So going to Wal-mart four days in a row has brought me to the conclusion that I have no relationship skills. I just can't talk to the guy. UGH!

I don't know why, but this whole surgery thing seems to have given us common ground. He had eye surgery. I want to be an eye surgeon. I just can't seem to talk to him. I have anxiety or something, but I so am going to Wal-mart every day next week.

I need help, so if you have any suggestions on how to talk to the guy, I would appreciate it :)

well, the last post was kind of pointless.

This one is better. :)

I went to Wal-Mart today!!!! EEEEEP!
I got a BRAND NEW CELL PHONE!!!!
And a good peek :)


He is so adorable and I can't even help it. I don't think there is anything he could do to make me not like him. I don't know why I like him so much but everytime I see him my brain doesn't even know how to function. I get all wierd and giddy. I need help.

So, I just don't know how i would live my life without seeing him, but yet i can never get closer to him cause i am so immature and wierd around him. HECK! I'm immature around anyone. lol

So to wrap this up, I would like to say that I love my new phone and I love this guy.


You know who it is. :)

limits

in an effort to overcome my busy schedule, i will allow myself only one day to get on blogger and two days a week on facebook. no more than thirty minutes total for all three times. now email i must because i email myself assignments and i get college stuff on, but limiting myself to only ten minutes for each online visit will be it.

lets see how this works. goodbye for a week :)

it's sad when you sit on facebook for an hour waiting on one person to pop up in the chat box.

complications....

so this makes things a little bit complicated.

i can't believe this.

you like him, i like him. he doesnt like EITHER of us. grrrr.

so there.

i dont know what to do.

i hate highschool. and immature girls.

Feelings.....????

ok....here's the deal. i have like a million and one different feelings running in my head right now... and they are all about different things too.

1st- I am really proud of everyone in the musical and proud of myself. I am so childish sometimes i make my self puke. I threw a ginormous, childish, and utterly ridiculous fit about not having a microphone. Yeah. I didnt have a microphone. I waited four years and never got one. I thought I wasnt important enough for one, but the thing is i stressed out over nothing. I was loud enough. I had a great time with everyone and i know this is selfish, but I was astoundedby all of the compliments i got. This is the thing....I doubted my abilities and I thought I wasnt good enough, I thought i needed compliments when really I just needed to be confident in myself. In turn I just became arrogant. So I had to come back to earth and I think that getting sick constitutes coming back to earth.

2nd- I am sad/happy/relieved/regretful about the musical being over. I am sad because it is possibly the last production i will ever do in highschool, happy because i have my life back, relieved that i can sleep now, and regretful because i waited til the last minute to realize that i love some of these kids. i really love them.

3rd- i am extremely confused about what school im going to next year.... i am just not even goin to talk about it cause i am stressed about that enough.

4th- I have people in my life that have GIANT issues that I cant solve but i have been praying for a while. I also want dakotah to know that even though things ended quickly wih you i hope you dont give up on everything. Dont place all that faith in one person, because even though I love this person just as much or more than you do, people will fail. I do, you do, we all do. God is theonly one in this life whom you can completely trust, so trust him to lead you through life and chose the right one. Because I know you are a great person and i love you. Just know that God has everything plannd for you. Oh! I cant wait for it to be just us in concert band :)

So last but CERTAINLY not least- I have been really descouraged in the whole relationship area, but like i said before, i want to trust in god that he will bring me the right person( AKA matt cox :))

Well, I really should go home and do english home work. I love you all!!!!!!!!!!

going to the chapel and we're gonna get married. :)

I am getting married. To the most wonderful guy in the entire world :)

His name is Matt and I would say more, but I don't want to put his full name on here just in case it pops up on google (karasyn....) soooooo yeah hes awesome.

AND I'm gonna marry him someday :)

welll.....

do you really want to know? i will warn you that this is an extremely complain-y blog and i bit emo. Please bear with me.

I am kind of depressed right now. I am totally sick kof being single. I hate it. I'm sick of not having one person I can just confide in and spend time with. URGH! Anyway. I am also sick of other people being together.

PLEASE dont get me wrong. I love you both EMENSELY and you are totally cute..... just call me jealous.

SOrry i just had to get that off of my chest. Thanks :)

waiting...

i want to tell you that you are wasting your time.
i want to tell you that it will never work out and its not worth your effort.
i want to tell you that no matter how much you hope, it wont happen
i want to tell you that you shouldnt wait for someone who would not be willing to wait for you,
i want to tell you that they may not, but i do

but

what am i doing?

im wasting my time
it will never work out and its not worth my effort
no matter how much i hope, it wont happen
i shouldnt wait for someone who isnt willing to wait for me
and most of all,

i want you to tell me that you do....

tonight

there are so many mixed feelings about the events of tonight....

for one it was the homecoming game and it rained cats and dogs! The band couldn't even really play....but im gald we didnt have to stay late, and no morning rehearsal tomorrow morning! YAY!

But also, it is really hard to stand and watch the person you like sit and swoon over a freakin boiled potato!!!!!!! URGH! What can i do to get noticed? Im already too loud and abnoxious... and this other person is just really throwing me for a loop. i mean i am happy with this person's friendship, but if things were like they should be we would probably be together......
oh well....

I also really enjoyed coming home and taking a steaming shower, wearing sweats, watching It's The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown, and drinking hot chocolate :)

All in all a pretty good day.....oh and dad can stay another day too!!!!


ONLY TWO MORE DAYS!!!!!!

appology

im sorry for being such a downer... my life is really not that bad, and im way too dramatic. idk.
and im sorry for being so sassy. yeah i have an additude and i need to stop. and i really do appreciate my mom..

i love you all :)

facebook

sometimes facebook can bring so much joy to a person....
and other times it can be a bummer.....

just my luck!

dissappointment+failure=my life

Life is sooooo complicated!

AAARGH!

so just when i thought everything was fine and dandy in the life of Brianna,

BOOOM!(yes it deserves 3 o's)

I realize that, yet again, i like someone. It never works out so i dont know why i even bother, plus it doesnt help that i have a guy-ish gay friend who likes the same person. So even though this boy is cute i dont think anything is going to happen.

Also, at the precise moment i was about to give up on my athiest friend, he suddenly appears at church. Not to come crawling back or anything. He was only bringing his brother but its still a step. But then, i just cant understand why anyone who has been a crhistian would want to turn away from god and decide to deny everything he grew up with.

sooo....i talked to him. i planted a seed. i told him that i cared, and that god cares too, but he denied god once again. but he did tell me that he would try to come to church more. Its a step!

Anywho- i could use a lot of prayer and my friend, whos named jake, could use A TON as well. Thanks you for listening to me complain and rant.

I am done now.

Who was that shape in the shadows?

Who's is that face in the mask?

I am currently listening to Phantom of the Opera. I haven't listened to it in ages, but I quite enjoy it. I forgot how much i loved that movie. I have decided that when/if i get married my honeymoon is going to be to New York and I am going to see The Phantom of The Opera on Broadway. It is now my aspiration.

I just can't imagine how extremely AMAZING that would be. Not just the Phantom of the Opera part, but the honeymoon in New York aspect. AWESOME!

I want some cookie dough. I am like a little kid today. I have like no attention span, i can't stay on task, I forgot to zip my back pack and Ryan had to do it for me, seriously. LITTLE KID! Oh not to mention the fact that i giggle and ocassionally cackle loudly at least every ten minutes.

Im not saying that I am having a bad day, but I am not getting anything done today. I wish i wasnt at school......im not feeling well either.....

Oh well, i have to work tonight then only one more day left in the week!

Well, Im going to balance my checkbook now.

Adios

wow :)

I just got accepted into Drury!!! It was on my e-mail and I'm pretty darn excited :)

Also, stop being so moody please. I dont understand you most of the time and you dont have to be so mean about it. That really kind of hurt my feeling(to put it simply)

Also, i am listening to Clayton Risner. He went to Hillcrest and he gave us a concert today. I bought his cd and the guy that was with him, Travis Flynn. They were pretty darn good! I like them a lot.

Well, I am going to get off and do some calculus now ....

Goodbye

life is impossible......

without jesus.

I dont know what to do. My life seems to be soooooo complicated, but i just need to pray about it and would appreciate your prayers too....

If you want to talk, or hear me talk lol ;) just text me or whatever.

Bri

The beginning of

the end....

The end of high school.

The end of being a child.

The end of being dependent.

It all starts now. Senior year.

So what am i going to do with it? I haven't decided yet... I know that I am taking many difficult classes, doing many extra-curricular, starting a new job, and am going to be busy every night for the rest of my life... But then what? I need to start thinking about the future and where I am going. I am going to college, but i haven't decided which one, yet. Oh well, I will decide soon enough.

Also, just because I am a senior, does NOT give me the right to act demeaning towards others OR make me better than them. If I do act like that, please let me know. It drives me nuts to see that.

So I am really excited about my new job. Although it is a tad creepy, I love it :)

Well, since only one person reads this I guess I shall go. Back to research for the color purple.

( My re-vamped senior picture )
8 ^ ]

Struggles...

I am still feeling down about it, but getting over it.

I still don't know where to go from here with THAT. It's a wierd situation....


Youth Symphony pretty much rocked my socks off ;) yeah i will actually practice this year lol


Uh....yeah.
Band still sucks.

i am not ok...

things aren't going good.

first...
just don't come around.

second...
it would be nice to have some real friends

third...
there is nothing in the world that can make this better besides leaving.

ok. im going to sleep it out and try to feel better about things. church is tomorrow so maybe i will feel better by then. I need some prayer though.

Prayer For A Friend

Lord I lift my friend to You.
I've done all that I know to do.
I lift my friend, to You.
Complicated circumstances
have clouded his view.
Lord I lift my friend up to You.
I fear that I won’t have the words
that he needs to hear.
I pray for Your wisdom , oh God.
And a heart that's sincere.
And Lord I lift my friend up
to You.
Lord I lift my friend to You.
My best friend in the
world, I know he means much
more to You.
I want so much to help him, but
this is something he has to do.
Lord I lift my friend up to You.
There's a way that seems so right to him.
But You know where that leads.
He's becoming a puppet of the world.
Too blind to see the strings.
And Lord I lift my friend up to You.
Lord I lift my friend to You.
I've done all that I know to do.
I lift my friend, to You.

This song fits the circumstances perfect. I just pray that my friend really does come to the lord i just dont know how. i am feeling a lot like hosea right now. please keep me in your prayers this week as i do my best to bring this friend to christ, and away from the twisted way he believes right now.

so....i am now officially a senior. i got through all my classes with a's and one a-. pretty good in my opinion.

so i think that this might be the first summer that i will actually hang out with my friends :)

so i really hate it when my grandma freaks out about me visiting another church. she always thinks taht just because im going to another church once that im gonna like convert to some wierd religion and never come to church with them ever again.

its quite annoying.

anyway. i learned a lot tonight. or maybe it just gave me a lot to think about.

i have been so obsessed with material things such as having a boyfriend or liking people.
i never know which i actually like. i always do this.
i start to like a person before i even know them.
but one thing that remains a constant? i like matt for sure. no matter what happens in my life. i really really like him.
so maybe its meant to be?
or maybe not.
either way its never going to happen if i dont start having a better relationship with god.
the bible says, "Delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart."
well, delighting in him just means to simply talk to him and i need to do a lot more of that
i need to focus on god and everything else will be alright ;)

karasyn im really excited to go to your church more often :)

love ya all!!!!!

-Bri

Wal-Mart!!

ok so walmart is officially my FAVORITE place to shop!!! AHHHHHH!!!!! They have freakin' CUTE guys working there.

So my mom and i go through this line, and this guy was the cashier. His name is MATT. Many of you might know him

anyway....



he is totally cute and i have liked him for like 5 years(yes im a little hopeless)


but he is soooooo cute and not to mention he is taller than me :)

and he is like the most awesome guy EVER!!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!



Me and karasyn are going to walmart every friday ever.

Walmart......aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh. best day ever :)

I agree with karasino!

So i am now excited and can't wait to get married....

i ponder that fact every day now...

especially after going to JIMMY JOHNS!!!!!!

wow....

so anyway... i need a new job. yeah.

goodbye

knowing

so i have decided what i want to do with my life.

i want to be an ophthalmologist

i have been going back and forth with it forever, but i think thats what god wants me to do.

to have the power to give people the sight to see all of gods creations is going to be AMAZING!

its just such a long goal.

also.....im thinking that is what i should focus on right now. I think that god is trying to tell me to stop focusing on other things(*cough *cough.......boys...*cough) and to just work on school and building a God-honoring career :)

It would be nice to have someone to share all that with though.

but i really do want to wait for that ONE that god has planned for me :)

i will really hate it if he just keeps dangling it in front of me though.

oh well...what can you do to the creator of the universe lol

anyways......that it all for now.

pondering....

everytime i am around him i am so happy and giddy and he is such a great guy and funny too.

hes like everything i want, youknow except for that one thing and im beginning to think that one thing doesnt matter anymore....

i just wish i could know if he felt the same way.

????

Flowers

so i work at a greenhouse...

family flowers to be exact. i really like it and i love enjoying the beautiful flowers!!!

you should visit me sometime :)

i spend entirely too much on flowers....and my mom hates it, but at least my house is pretty now

Uh........

yeah......

btw......thats the endeing of a jobro song!!!!!

BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!!

um. ok.
so my grandma is paying for half of our tickets and my grandpa is driving us!!! along with my mom and hottie grandma!!! LOL! that will be fun!

and i just ordered the tickets and yes we are actually going and no its not a joke.

unfortuanately.... they were a tad bit more than we anticipated but still reasonable!

I can't even believe it!!!! SOOOOOO EXCITED!0

Why?

Why don't you talk to me? you don't even look at me....

Yeah, you've changed :)

Really.....a lot

I'm sorry. I still feel the same way :)

you will never change the way i feel about you, no matter how much you want to ignore me.....i still love you, like a friend. i dont think you ever believed me....but i do.

YAY!!!

Tonight was amazing.

Our furst runthrough was the best.
(wow.....really i havent been spelling very long lol :) )

so afterwards, me and melissa talked. It was so nice to catch up :)

I love all of you and i am really looking forward to tomorrow! Yay! Starbucks and Kayla!! lol

Love yall!

Bye!

I will...

pray..

for everything. i need prayer as well.

i need to move on , but before i can do that i must talk to all of you.

i honestly can say i have changed. or atleast i think i have.

thank you so much for actually talking to me. you have no idea how that made me feel.

i love you all. even after what you said, because yes it was my fault.

i am still working on it.

Kayla. I have so much fun talking to you in band and outdoor living.

if anything i think we have been better friends now....

and carrie thank you as well. you are amazing and a great role model! I am so happy for you! you have no idea....although i am a little jealous, but not enough to care lol :)

karasyn! STARBUCKS!!!!! WOOO HOOOO!!!!!

i love everyone of you. seriously.

i must go now, and cut my entry short, but i will give you more later!

GOODBYE!!!!

hmmm....

i really need to be getting ready right now...

oh well lol

so last night was soooooo WET!

i dont like being so wet, but oh well...we did a run through with people actually performing!!!

i am excited for this week...

you know what?

i actually think this is going to work! :)

But yeah.... Thanks.

thank you....

kind of surprised me...

it's just one of those steps...

i need to talk to you though.

and you. and you. and you.

yes i have A LOT of things to clear up!

long week ahead

but God is there for me....as always :)

songs...

I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared
After my dreamingI woke with this fear
What am I leavingWhen I'm done here

So if you're asking meI want you to know

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shared what I made
I'm strong on this surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you

So if you're asking me
I want you to know

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself

I can't be who you are
I can't be who you are


So putting song lyrics seems to be a fad, and I am willing to conform :)

I really want to make things better, and I definitely am willing to work at it.

So, I need to talk to you. I will. I swear. I will make myself do it. I will not back out and just settle.

I need God's help in this and I need support.

Thank you Bethany for your good advice :)

New Life

"Go, stand in the temple courts," he said, "and tell the people the full message of this new life." - Acts 5:20

I am trying.... give me a few months.

I have a game plan.

God give me the strength to do this and the right friends to guide me along my way :)

Thanks, guys! I love you