fun and frustration.

Well today has pretty darn great! I got to school and did my stupid interview with my spanish teacher. He told me I should triple major with spanish/chemistry/biology. um. i don't think so!! i'm minoring and that's it! i can't handle anymore. i also think that i am going to end up with an A- in that class. but that's fine and dandy. now all i have to do is write a paper and the final and i'm done with that class FOREVER!!!! then, i went to chemistry and totally demolished the quiz. afterward i ran into kelsey prayer walking on campus. she's a pretty cool person. now that we're in college, i like her a lot more. i actually kind of admire her in a way. i don't think i could handle my best friend moving to florida and even though she's not been too outgoing and involved, i think she's really trying and i think God is doing some awesome things in her life. anyway, it was really great to talk to her. i have truly been blessed with AMAZINGLY AWESOME friends!! 

karasyn and i had a lovely time today eating at Big Momma's and then Red Velvet for cupcakes and seeing Emma, Elsie and Jeremy. They are all so sweet! I love that store so much! It just cheers me up :) today is so beautiful and i think i'm going to go outside and enjoy it.

on another note, i'm super frustrated with the way things have gone down the past couple of months. i just want to say that when you  are dating someone and you realize that you don't care for them as much as they care for you, just break it off. cheating is SOOOOOOO unatractive!!!!! UGH!!! he did not deserve that at all and you are a HUGE jerk. just go away so i never have to see your face again. you just ruined things anyway!!!!

well, that's all of my rant. i hope you all enjoy the beautiful weekend!!!!!! :D

well, well, well

i survived the week! WOW!!! i can't believe it. i guess its not technically over, but i am so close i can taste it! or maybe that's just my peanut m&ms and coffee i taste. yeah, that's probably it. tomorrow i have my individual interview with Dr. Chamorro and I'm kinda nervous about that, but oh well.and then chemsitry quiz and that's it! i'm totally not worried about that one though.

i'm so excited to be playing in a quartet with the Ojakangas clan. Celka and Kieran both have composed pieces for our composer's concert next Tuesday and I am so psyched that they asked me to play with them!!!!! They are such a talented family!

Anyway, I better go study for this chemistry quiz.

On a side note, I'm not sure if this is a good thing or bad thing. I'm hoping good, but I just hate seeing my friend upset. Personal feelings aside, I honestly think this could be a good thing. I really did think that girl was shady!

this day is SUPER stressful.

i really wonder if i'm even going to survive this week. i have a million things to do and not enough time to do it in. may i just say that I HATE GROUP PROJECTS!!!!!! i just don't even know if i am gonna make it. i am snowed under with homework and music to practice for composers concert and if one more thing goes wrong i am going to scream!!!! i swear if i make it past thursday, i am going to be celebrating like none other!!! i plan to go to lunch/red velvet with karasyn to get some yummy yummy cupcakes and then at work (if we don't have anything) i am going to watch 500 Days of Summer!!!! I finally got my hands on that movie! My cousin Tina, who works with me now, let me borrow it. She's pretty amazing. She went garage sale-ing the other day and bought me two super cute shirts and an adorable dress!!!

Anyway, i have finished two papers today and tonight at work i plan to watch the movie that i have to write my third paper over. between all of this i have class and have to do this stupid group project that's due tomorrow!!! AAAAGH!!! 

i have vowed to myself that even if i do have a crap ton to do i'm going to give myself a few minutes a day to relax. tuesdays are usually the best for relaxing cause i have bowling and then i go to panera to chill out before i go to work. im going to do that for sure today. i need it. i need my caeser salad and diet pepsi and possibly a pumpkin muffin too. i think after all this stress i deserve it. i deserve a chance to sit down and calm down. i might work on some homework or i might just read a book to escape the chaos. who knows? 

whew!!! i already feel a bit more relaxed.

i can't wait for friday. please come soon....

golly gee.

well i think today is going to pale in comparison to yesterday. yesterday was pretty darn amazing. my classes weren't too fun, not too bad either. then i had lunch with devin, which, as always, was really really good. then i had fit for life and afterward i had to go home and change my pants cause i discovered a hole!!!! anyway when i got back to school i got a significant amount of homework done and then karasyn and i talked. it was good to get things in the open. it's always easier that way. anyway, then we got our TOMS!!!!!! woohoooo!!!! i got them home last night and my mom tried one on and said, "i kinda like these! they even have arch support!" so we are going to go get her some maybe at a place that you can get buy one get one half so she can get her a pair and i can get a black pair so i can wear them to work (that way i can make mine super cute!! ) and then we would split the total cost making them like $35! yeah! good deal!!!

anyway, after the TOMS, i had chamber groups rehearsal. sometimes that thing really irritates me cause we are playing away just fine and dandy and one girl. yeah, one girl, says, "can we slow down a bit. i have never even played this before." i was like really? REALLY? we have had this music for two months now!!!! stop partying all the time and do something productive!!! AAAGGHH!! even I  have practiced it outside of rehearsal. and that's a feat for me. but since i am kinda the leader of the group i have to start the music and set the tempos and everything. so told her that we have already played it together in a tone that she would know i wasn't happy.

so after that, i went home, where my loving mother had made yummy barbeque chicken wing thingies and homemade mashed potatoes for dinner and i got away with eating a bunch of potatoes and none of the greenbeans cause i just don't fancy green foods that much. while i was eating, mrs. fent text me and asked if i would be interested in playing in a wedding gig this fall. YEAH I WOULD!!! it's going to be my first quartet gig! although it's a jewish wedding, which doesn't really matter, but she said we would get paid $100 each!!! but we will be sightreading, which is totally fine, cause i rely on my sightreading more often than not cause i hate learning music. so that was like the fourth amazing thing that happened to me yesterday!!

also, it's revival week. which is very fitting for my life right now. except at church last night right in the middle of the sermon i had an allergy attack!! i kept sneezing and such and it was aweful and i have felt sick ever since. poop.

well, today i have bowling, which i am really starting to look forward to every week and then work. ew! but i will have some lovely "me" time in between, and lately i have been going to panera and studying for about an hour before i work, which is so relaxing. :)

i hope you all have wonderful tuesday!!!
thanks for reading!
<3 Brianna

treasures!!

yesterday was a big bowl of fun!! my mom and i went and got breakfast then went shopping at the goodwill and target. at target i got a couple of really super duper neat-o things!!!

when i saw this at the store it was like a movie where the person sees something they really really like and it's like the whole world stops and that's the only thing they see and they MUST have it. yeah, that's exactly what happened. this was PERFECT!!! I love love love it!!! my mom gave me half of the money for it for "easter" and then i paid for the rest, but it was soooooo stinkin' worth it!!!

then i bought this cute walet and these adorable post it notes!! wooo hooo!!

i also bought a cute shirt, but i didn't feel like taking a picture of it.

after shopping and after my brother came home from school we went to eat dinner at Hong Kong and then bowling!! it was really fun. i had a coupon for three free games and while we were bowling the power went out for like a minute, and it was super duper scary!!! then we rented the movie Despicable Me and it was the cutest movie ever!!

right now i am listening to Kate Nash. i love her voice. it's probably just cause i love accents but i really love her song Doo Wah Doo. I like the video too.

today i have to be productive and get some homework done and laundry, then work tonight.

who knows how this is going to work out? i am so stupid sometimes, but i can't help how i feel, right? i have to do what's best for myself, cause nobody else cares. whatever. i'm sick of this part of life right now. everything else is honkey dorey, though. maybe.

"I'll just read a book instead......I can hang out with myself, I'm old enough now to pretend."

it's apparent.

um. i really hope what i read there was just a small miscommunication, because if not, UGH!!

i'm sick of excuses and lies. i guess they aren't technically lies, but equally frustrating. just stop. i don't think you really see how this looks, but it's obvious that we aren't even important anymore. i think it was karasyn that posted this picture, but i just fits so perfectly.

i'm just sick of this mess. i thought things were getting better, but you obviously can't take a hint!

things have changed...

so i hate when i think one thing and then after a lot of consideration i change my opinion. i hate doing that 'cause then i seem like a wishy washy person who always just says whatever i know that person wants to hear. i hate people like that. i don't want to be that way. i want to have my own thoughts and my own opinions and be able uphold those opinions. for the most part i dont really do that i don't think, but on this one thing i have. and it's kind of important.

yesterday was pretty lovely :) i got out of school at 11:30 and my mom and i went and had some lunch (well, i did, cause she had already eaten) and then STARBUCKS!!! i hadn't had it in FOREVER!!! it was delightful. then when i got home i caught up on Days of Our Lives. It was quite intense!!! After that I was home by myself cause my mom had to go to work, so i got a blanket and laid outside in the beautiful sunshine and listened to music. it was the most relaxing thing i have done in my life. it was warm and gorgeous. when my mom came back home i came in and had togo to my random 5:30 class, which is going really well. we are actually going to be performing in a couple of weeks. then i went to church. that's where things just started going downhill a little. not much, but a little. i don't know what's going on inside my head lately, but i am just sick of some things. like not being able to practice! i just don't think i should play for a while. except i just had an epiphany.

i went for a few months not getting anything out of playing for the praise band. i was actually kind of miserable. don't ask me why, 'cause i don't know. i just wasn't getting everything out of it htat i should have. i felt more like i was enabling others to worship and forgetting that i needed to as well. so a couple of weeks ago i played and it was glorious. i was able to sing and play and forget the rest of the room and just get lost in playing music for my God. it was incredible. but it only lasted a couple of weeks. last week things were ok, but then i couldn't remember anything in the music. but so many times i hear preachers say that everything is going to be fine and dandy when you're not serving God, but once you start, the devil starts attacking you. i think that's exactly what happened. i was finally in the right place spiritually to serve God in that area, and then BOOM! stupid feelings that i didn't even understand started making me doubt even my ability to play. sometimes i am so unsure of myself and self-conscious, in playing at least. it's kind of wierd, cause normally i do not even get nervous playing in front of people, but i do sometimes at church. drew is always there to reassure me though. he is really great. i am so glad that we are friends. it's so funny. i remember freshman year he was in my geometry class and he was terrible. now he is one of those people that i really look up to spiritually. i never would have known. but of course i never would have known that i would be best friends with karasyn when in kindergarten we absolutely hated each other. it's wierd where life takes you and looking back you just wonder, how did i get here?? i mean really. ii wonder that a lot. like how in the world did i get to be in college. it seems like just yesterday i was in middle school. i am not quite sure where the time has gone, but i know that i am really happy with life. i really couldn't be happier. i have had some rough days this week, but i trust that everything will work out just fine. :)

well, i have wretched chemistry lab in an hour so i better go get ready. ICK!!! wish me luck with that! i am going to need it!!! hehe

after reading elsie's post on her new e-course...

i have decided to become more organized with my goals. for some reason i just can't handle a bunch of tasks being thrown at me at one time, but if i write them down i tend to tackle them a little better. goals are one of those things that society says we must have. why are you in college if you don't know what you are going for? they say you will be a failure if you don't know what you want to do in life by a certain age. well, i tend to agree with some of those assumptions, just due to the fact that for myself, if i don't know why i'm doing something i don't really care if i succeed at it. that being said, sometimes people can discover themselves while not having a plan or goals, and you know what i say?? more power to ya!!! i just am not one of those people. i have known what i want to do with my life since i was eleven years old. i want to be an ophthalmologist, and for those of you who don't know, that is an eye surgeon. not only can they diagnose diseases of the eye, prescribe glasses, but they can also treat diseases of the eye and perform surgeries of the eye. if you can't tell, the eye really intrigues me. most of the things i did in high school and even before were done with the thought in the background that somehow that would help me be successful for the next step in my goal. first, i took higher level science and math courses. that's kind of a no brainer. also, i started playing the violin in fifth grade, but orchestra has helped me a lot throughout school. not only is it now helping me pay for college, but i get paid to play for certain things. it's pretty cool. i would by no means want to be a musician fulltime, but i find a certain joy in playing/performing music. it is also highly therapeutic. also, i enrolled in dual credit classes in highschool because i knew i would have more course work i needed to take in college. although i had to borrow the money to pay for it (and literally paid it off a month ago) i would highly recommend taking dual credit. it's so beneficial. especially since it was through the college i wanted to attend. lastly, my senior year in high school i was always very aware of deadlines regarding my continuing education. now i am there and i am totally loving it. i love being able to choose the classes that i want to take for the major that i chose. as of right now i am a double major in biology/chemistry and a double minor in spanish/global studies and next semester i want to sign up for the drury pre-med program. i have a lot on my plate, but i have always liked it that way, but now as i am growing older (hah!) i see that for me to succeed i really do need to have actual, attainable goals in mind. that brings me to this:

first.  i really want to graduate on time. as of right now i think i'm on the right track to doing this, but i have to take a couple of summer classes throughout college to maintain this goal. because i am double majoring and double minoring, i have A LOT of classes to get rid of. also, on top of all my classes, i have to worry about the MCAT exam. this is like the ACT for medical school and it's HARD.

second. is the actual MCAT. i have already started kind of studying for this test which i don't have to take until my junior year, but it's going to sneak up on me fast. i have about 3/8 of the classes out of the way that i need to do well on the exam. i will have to book it junior year. golly :/

third. balance. as of right now i feel i am doing pretty good balancing school/work/church/social life/family. some areas i spend more on than others, but the ones most important to me (school/family/church) i always make time for. i can tell that i have grown closer to the Lord in just the last few weeks. I lean on him for everything because he truly is the only one i can count on.

fourth. money. let's just not even talk about this one :/ i'm just terrible at saving. that is all....

i guess that's all i can really think of right now. i have all this in my brain and i just needed to get it all out and it's much faster typing than writing. tonight is church (YAY!) and then applebee's, which i know i said i wasn't going to, but i probably will because this week i'm in much better spirits than last week. it's probably the weather. i hope everyone has a great second half of the week!!!! thanks for reading about my life story (literally!)

i will NOT let anything ruin this day..........even that.

so today has been pretty gosh darn amazing for no particular reason. maybe it's just the weather. i went to school and had a lovely lunch with devin and then after class i went to the store to get some music stuff for the wedding that i couldn't find saturday and then got some cool office supplies. then kelsey came over to pick up my little gift for bethany. (shhhhh!!! it's supposed to be a secret!!!) it was nice to catch up with kelsey. i sometimes get annoyed with her, probably just cause i'm jealous, but she really does amaze me. she's a great friend and i hope she has a great trip to visit her best friend.

now i have to clean my bathroom (ICK!!) and then i think i'm going to go for a walk. i can actually enjoy the outdoors this spring cause i started my (really expensive) allergy medicine. it works great! i don't even look like someone punched me in the face!!! but sometimes i feel like it. like i can't even talk about it, but i'm not going to let it ruin my day cause today is amazing. :D

i'm going to get off now, so toodles!!!!!

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday

i feel like i have so much to talk about, but i guess i really don't. i'm at work today and we have absolutely NOTHING. i'm going to go insane. the only thing i can see that needs to be done is vacuuming the lobby. it's quite strange not having anything to do. i think i'm going to study for my chemistry test a bit more.

this weekend was good and bad all wrapped up in one. i am experiencing some epiphany of my own life. i am realizing that i am basically on my own. i have my own dreams and i am totally going to achieve them. i will NOT give up. i can't give up. i have to do this for myself. i am so completely excited to start my life, even though i have like a bajillion years before i can start my career. but i can't rely on anyone but myself for this. and the Lord. people are going to let you down, that is why you can't put your trust and faith in people. it's sad, because that's what we naturally want to do, but God is the only one who is always there for you. i am finally seeing that i don't need a bunch of friends, a bunch of places to go all the time and hang out and i don't need a boyfriend to make my life worth something. my life is already worth a lot in the eyes of the Lord and even in my family. i don't need those things to define me. my work ethic, my intelligence and my faith is enough for me.

sorry that was really vague, but whatever. i just got to thinking the other day how some people think they need a man to fulfill their potiental or they need a bunch of friends they can go party with to make them feel loved. well, i'm an independent woman and i don't need those things to make me feel  a certain way because God fulfills my life and I know he loves me. like i said before, people will let you down, but the Lord never will and I am so stinkin' thankful for that!


"i can watch a sunset on my own" -kate nash

Wierd.

This week has been so strange. I haven't had to work at all cause I had to ask off for the stupid opera, so i've had a lote more free time. At the beginning of the week, I was thinking, "oh yeah. i go from being super duper busy to no work, i'm gonna chill the whole week, not do a thing." yeah right. have i been in college the past year? homework was kicking my butt this week, so i had to kick it in gear. about tuesday night i realized i had to get the show on the road. i had to write a paper in my spanish class. it was trecherous. but i finally finished it! also, i waited until the last minute to finish my lab report, and i really think that was the turning point for me. i realized that i CANNOT keep doing that throughout college. so when i got home from my lab, i finished the lab report for the next week. yeah, i was super productive.
yesterday, i had from 1130 to about 330 off and i didn't know what i was going to do with that time. my mom and i went and had lunch at braum's and then dropped off my allergy prescription off at the pharmacy. then i came home and wouldn't you know? i worked on more homework. it was really wierd. then i had to finish my laundry and stuff and i even CLEANED MY ROOM. i know, i know. at this point i don't even sound like the same person. then i dusted and vacuumed the rest of the house for my mom!!! I KNOW!!!! Now i'm just an alien or something. So then I had the opera and afterward my whole family(my dad came into town last night) went to eat at mexican villa (mmmmm) with cindy and mark justus. it was a pretty nice relaxing evening. i didn't have to work, i didn't have to come home and do homework and home was clean. so this morning, i am looking for things to do. i know there are a few odds and ends things i need to do, and being on the internet prohibits them, so i am going to organized my thoughts on this blog and then turn the computer off and have an equally successful day today :)

here goes. i need to:

get ready (of course)
practice violin for the opera
study for chemistry test monday
go to the store to pick up
     -a black binder
     -sheet protectors
     -kleenex's(yes it's allergy season once again)
     -chocolate :) just 'cause!!
     -allegry medicine
get music organized for the wedding (it's sneakin' up on me!!)
i'm thinking a trip to red velvet to get  a peanut butter cupcake on my way to rehearsal would be the perfect way to reward myself for finishing all of this!! yay!

well, i best get a start on this list, see you tomorrow probably, 'cause it's back to the old grind!!!

Um, once again I have neglected this blog

but i'm not too worried about it, 'cause it's not like i'm going to be arrested from the blog police or anything  ;

well, to tell you the truth not much has been going on in my corner of the universe lately. i have been going to school and work and such, but nothing too exciting has been happening. this week is the opera at Drury and i have to play in the orchestra which is really frustrating, but nobody cares about opera. anymore.....

also, i have decided to take a break from applebee's for a while. they changed their half-priced appetizer deal to where you have to buy a drink, which isn't really half priced, but whatever! also, i don't think i can handle the emotional strain it is for me to go anymore. as i mentioned in my last blog, this guy at church started "talking" to this girl in our praise band and they sat together last night and i just don't want to have to deal with that anymore. plus it seems like everyone that goes has some sort of relationship going on and i don't want to be around that frankly.

on that note, but a different perspective, i would like to congratulate my best friends karasyn and tyler on their one year anniversary!!! YAY!!! :D you guys are awesome!!

well, i am currently writing a paper for my spanish class. yes, kids. in spanish. i know, i know! i'm pretty talented..............NOT!!! it's taking me like 230492309435 hours to finish it! also, in other news: i might be going to spain!!!!!!! yeah that's right. SPAIN!!! I think i will dedicate a whole post to this later.

For now, homework calls my name. Goodbye blogging community......