Preparing for MEXICO!!!!!!

I can't believe there are only 4 days until Mexico! There are so many things I'm excited about for this trip! I have never been out of the country and I don't ever remember flying! I did when I was like 2, but I don't remember it. I am so stoked to travel. I love it! I also am so excited to use the Spanish I have learned in school and I am actually getting a whole credit towards my Spanish minor for it! This trip has already been such a blessing in my life and I pray that God uses the experience to grow me and to reach people in another country with His word!

Look at what the weather is supposed to be like!

Look at those low temperatures!!! I am so stoked!!!!

So right now, I am getting out my luggage and preparing to pack. Tomorrow I'm going to do a LOT of laundry and tonight we are going to Wal-Mart to get some last minute things :)

Yesterday Karasyn and I went thrift store shopping and then got our air mattresses!

Holla at us! :)

It's only Monday...

but this week already sucks. I know that crying and being a baby about this isn't going to help me one bit and that is why I want to so bad! Because in reality, nothing is going to help me right now. It's too late. It can't be fixed because I like her too much than to ruin what might happen between them. I'm just not that kind of person. Lucky for her, I'm the kind of girl to sit back and be happy for her on the outside, but completely miserable on the inside. Ok, so that's an exaggeration. I'm not completely miserable. I'm sad, yeah, but I'll get over it. I had my time to be a cry baby and I just need to move on. Deep down I know that whatever happens, happens for a reason. It's God's will and it's so much better than anything I have planned, but it just really hurts right now. I can't even describe how it hurts because the whole thing is out of anyone's control. I can't be mad at anyone and I can't hold a grudge, I can only get over it. So from this point out that's what I'm going to do. I'm done liking him. Because after this happens three times, you just can't do it anymore. You can't keep liking people to just see them end up with someone else. Part of me want to just give up altogether, but I know that's over dramatic. But seriously. It literally happens EVERY TIME!!!! I'm so done.

Today I wanna just go away. I wanna take an all alone road trip to Chicago, even St. Louis would be sufficient for me. I would love to just go to a big city and spend the day walking downtown by myself, drinking coffee, taking pretty pictures and enjoying summer. I just want to get away, and I don't care if anyone misses me. I can't wait for the next two years to be over. I want to move away and not have my parents know every move I make. I don't want to work anymore. I can't think of anything I would rather do right now than to only have to worry about school and myself. But I was thinking today that even if I do move away, I don't think I will get away from everything. I know I will have to come back and visit for peoples' weddings. Anyway, I just need some time away from all of this.

I know people care about me. I'm not saying these things because I feel like no one cares, I just feel like when I say them out loud they sound stupid and petty.

Anyway, now that I've gotten it out of my system, I. AM. DONE. No more moping. No more feeling sorry for myself. Only hopeful surrender to God's will. The end.

answered prayer :)

Yesterday I was totally freaking out about money. I didn't have much for the week and then I knew my paycheck wouldn't be enough to cover car insurance, the rest of the Mexico trip, gas, stuff for the trip, etc. I was worried, but I knew that I could at least scrape by and that if it was truly God's will for me to go on the trip that everything would fall into place and boy did it!!!

Last night at church I got a call from my aunt who attends a small baptist church outside Springfield. She asked me how much I had left to pay for my trip and then told me it was covered! I couldn't believe it! Her church is in the process of finding a new pastor and she read about our trip in some bulletin and since they aren't currently giving to any missions they decided to sponsor my trip!!! I cannot even express in words how big of a blessing it is! God really does answer prayer!

So I am now getting really stoked for the trip and I want to start packing ASAP!

In other news, I got an email from school about moving in and I'm super happy about that too!! I think this is going to be a great experience!! I am not going to stress out about my financial aid because I know God's going to work it out too. He is so amazing!

Today I had a good ole time at the mall with my aunt and cousin. I got some hand sanitizer holders for Mexico and some new sun glasses (only $3!).

When I started this post I had a lot more to say than this, but that's all I can remember.... oh well!

Today I went through all of my emails from last semester on my school email account and it was weird. It felt really good to delete the emails from my organic professor and stuff and it was just another cluttered thing in my life, but then once I deleted it, it was almost like deleting evidence that it actually happened. It feels like I didn't just spend 8 months of my life studying hard core for some crazy hard class. And there was nothing spectacular that happened because it was done. I simply stopped having that class. I think things will sink in better when it gets closer to graduation. I'm pretty excited for that time :) I am getting anxious for medical school. I want to go visit other schools and I want to get my shadowing experiences and I want to be done with school! I am so absolutely excited for what God has allowed me to do with my life! I think the reason I have been so down in the dumps lately is because I was trying to find my fulfillment in life through school.

Yesterday was my first Sunday off in FOREVER! I was so excited to go to church and Sunday school. In Sunday school we talked about the difference between joy and happiness. This is something that many people are confused about. This is what I got out of it. I was trying to find my joy in school. I was trying make my life's worth my grades and my future career. It was exciting at first, but then it just got tiresome. I was cranky. I couldn't stay focused very long. My grades were slowly going downhill and I didn't even care. I just wanted to sleep a lot and then my sleep wasn't deep and I woke up tired everyday. At the very last week of the school year, I don't know how, I kicked it in gear for like three or four days and bumped my grades up to where I wanted them, but after that I just got sad again. Now I had nothing to procrastinate about. I had nothing to look forward to and I was apathetic about everything. So yesterday when we were talking about joy vs. happiness I realized what I had done. I felt like God had forgotten about me, but really I had tried to replace God. It is really sad when you think about it. We try so often to worship the things that God has blessed us with rather than finding simple happiness in the thing, but true joy through the Creator! I am so thankful today that God has revealed this to me so that I may not look for joy in school anymore. I think that's why I was so depressed! I wasn't even looking forward to school anymore because it wasn't fulfilling, but God's love is!!! God has blessed me with this amazing opportunity to go to school and I don't want to take it for granted. That's why I'm trusting Him, that He will take care of the mess that is my financial aid right now.

So in addition to this epiphany (lol) yesterday was spectacular!!! Karasyn invited me to her house for the most delish lunch and then her, her brother Troy and I went to a flea market, which was totes fun and I got this super cute mug with the metric system on it! :D



Then after church I talked to Bro. Mark about playing in the orchestra at church! I go to my first practice tomorrow! I'm ready to play this sucka again :)



Then, after practice we went to Bethany's and played Signs, which is pretty much the most fun game ever! So all in all my first Sunday off didn't disappoint! YAY!

Have a great week!
♪♫ brianna ♪♫

I'm getting really annoyed with people who can't use common sense lately. I received a packet from school yesterday that said I still needed to fill out my application to be accepted at Drury! Hello!? I have 80 credit hours!!!! And think that's why the financial aid department doesn't have my scholarships on record. Why can't anyone do their job right?

In other news, I hung out with my cousin from California yesterday. We went to the mall and Boca Mocha and HuHot for lunch. She had to fly back today, but we had such a great time yesterday. I just wish she lived closer.

Tonight, mom's church is having a dinner with fireworks and the like. I'm just not real sure if I want to go. I think Karasyn has to work and it's always awkward going back there. I can always go downtown witnessing... I just don't know what I'm going to do...

I guess I'm going to go get ready because we have to go buy cat food today. Fun, fun. We will see what this day brings. I don't normally like not having my entire day planned out, but sometimes the fun is in the unknown!

Have a great and spontaneous day!

summertime :)

I can honestly say that this summer is the first one that I have thoroughly enjoyed. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy family vacations and trips and such, but this is the first summer I have embraced my free time and enjoyed the warm weather! I love the anticipation for school to start, yet I don't feel like I'm quite yearning for it like I used to. It's just something that is going to happen and until then, I am going to make the best of every minute.

Last week I was a little down, but this week I have realized that by being upset with how I feel and the circumstances I'm in is me just not trusting God. He is totally taking care of me :)

This week I have found so much joy in just everyday things.

Like buying cheap glittery nail polish and painting my nails :)

I also immensely enjoyed my Fourth of July at Karasyn's house. I love that family!

Anyway, I'm just happy about life I guess. I also am anxiously anticipating the day that God brings my future husband into my life. I truly believe it's going to happen and hopefully soon! God never breaks His promises. I am just super excited to see what God has in store for my life :)

Enjoy you summertime!!!!

brianna

Happy Fourth of July!

Hello! Today is July 4th! (If you didn't know.) I'm finally getting excited for school to start cause that means the heat should go away soon. I am ecstatic about moving on campus and shopping for new school supplies! Today I bought a can of spray paint for a little lamp makeover :) I will post pics later... I also have been pumped for orchestra this fall. It sounds like a great lineup and I am finally changing stand partners lol

I have been feeling a lot more crafty lately and wanting to do things. I think I'm starting to come out of this stupid summer-depression-thing. I don't know what it is, but it seems to happen this time of year, every year. So in order to enjoy my summer I am looking on the positive side of things.

1. Mexico! SO STOKED!!!!
2. No school. - Usually I love school so much, but I'm really starting to appreciate that I don't have homework, or tests to study for, or events to plan/attend. I'm enjoying sleeping in every day of my life! And I get all the more time to hang out with my bestest friend.
3. Sleeping in. It deserves two mentions.
4. Reading for fun!
5. Ice cream is an acceptable meal everyday!
6. I get to see my family a lot more too, which is mostly because of Dad's new job.

So tonight my family is going to get ice cream and park at OTC to watch fireworks. Tomorrow night I have to work, but my parents are going out of town for their anniversary so Karasyn is going to come over and spend the night. I think I'm going to ask my cousin that's in town from California if she wants to hang out on Friday, since she leaves on Saturday. Also, I'm off of work all weekend, which I could have used the money, but I'm glad I can finally make it to church on a Sunday morning.

Well, I hope you have a very happy 4th!
Brianna

down in the dumps

Lately, I have just not been happy. I don't know why. Nothing truly traumatizing has happened to me. I am just having weird feelings. Here are just a few of my thoughts that have kept me down lately...

- I feel real ugly lately. I just feel like, why in the world do people even want to be with me? I am not that great of a person. I just have really strong dislike for myself right now and I can't explain it. I wish I knew why, because then I could maybe combat it, but it's just out of nowhere.

- I am completely broke. I am not saying this as an exaggeration. I only have $20 to last until the 13th of this month, and then I have to pay my car insurance and the rest of my mexico trip money. After that I won't have much left either because I have like no hours at work. I'm getting really sick of it.

- My job. I'm so tired of the drama and everyone getting mad over stupid crap. I feel like everyone at work is mad at me for something or another. My boss didn't even speak to me at work today. He honestly didn't even look at me... Who knows what that is all about.

- I am so irritable lately that I'm getting on my own nerves! lol

- This week I just don't feel like going back to school. The school has screwed up my financial aid package and basically if they don't fix it, I have to drop out. They are saying that I owe $27,000 for the year. UGH! No one there even knows what the heck they are doing!! And now the while financial aid department is on vacation. Just great.

Look. I just want to be back to my old perky happy self. Where in the world did that girl go?! I have plenty of things to be happy about! I'm going to Mexico in three weeks!!!! It's really happening!!! :D I have great friends at church and my family is so supportive of my school and my financial situation right now. I just need a serious attitude adjustment, so I'm going to go read my Bible and start my mission trip devotion book, I think!

So, if you read this whole post of my pity party feelings, congratulations! You are one of two people who reads this blog and/or cares. Thanks.