Today I went through all of my emails from last semester on my school email account and it was weird. It felt really good to delete the emails from my organic professor and stuff and it was just another cluttered thing in my life, but then once I deleted it, it was almost like deleting evidence that it actually happened. It feels like I didn't just spend 8 months of my life studying hard core for some crazy hard class. And there was nothing spectacular that happened because it was done. I simply stopped having that class. I think things will sink in better when it gets closer to graduation. I'm pretty excited for that time :) I am getting anxious for medical school. I want to go visit other schools and I want to get my shadowing experiences and I want to be done with school! I am so absolutely excited for what God has allowed me to do with my life! I think the reason I have been so down in the dumps lately is because I was trying to find my fulfillment in life through school.
Yesterday was my first Sunday off in FOREVER! I was so excited to go to church and Sunday school. In Sunday school we talked about the difference between joy and happiness. This is something that many people are confused about. This is what I got out of it. I was trying to find my joy in school. I was trying make my life's worth my grades and my future career. It was exciting at first, but then it just got tiresome. I was cranky. I couldn't stay focused very long. My grades were slowly going downhill and I didn't even care. I just wanted to sleep a lot and then my sleep wasn't deep and I woke up tired everyday. At the very last week of the school year, I don't know how, I kicked it in gear for like three or four days and bumped my grades up to where I wanted them, but after that I just got sad again. Now I had nothing to procrastinate about. I had nothing to look forward to and I was apathetic about everything. So yesterday when we were talking about joy vs. happiness I realized what I had done. I felt like God had forgotten about me, but really I had tried to replace God. It is really sad when you think about it. We try so often to worship the things that God has blessed us with rather than finding simple happiness in the thing, but true joy through the Creator! I am so thankful today that God has revealed this to me so that I may not look for joy in school anymore. I think that's why I was so depressed! I wasn't even looking forward to school anymore because it wasn't fulfilling, but God's love is!!! God has blessed me with this amazing opportunity to go to school and I don't want to take it for granted. That's why I'm trusting Him, that He will take care of the mess that is my financial aid right now.
So in addition to this epiphany (lol) yesterday was spectacular!!! Karasyn invited me to her house for the most delish lunch and then her, her brother Troy and I went to a flea market, which was totes fun and I got this super cute mug with the metric system on it! :D
Then after church I talked to Bro. Mark about playing in the orchestra at church! I go to my first practice tomorrow! I'm ready to play this sucka again :)
Then, after practice we went to Bethany's and played Signs, which is pretty much the most fun game ever! So all in all my first Sunday off didn't disappoint! YAY!
Have a great week!
♪♫ brianna ♪♫
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