but this week already sucks. I know that crying and being a baby about this isn't going to help me one bit and that is why I want to so bad! Because in reality, nothing is going to help me right now. It's too late. It can't be fixed because I like her too much than to ruin what might happen between them. I'm just not that kind of person. Lucky for her, I'm the kind of girl to sit back and be happy for her on the outside, but completely miserable on the inside. Ok, so that's an exaggeration. I'm not completely miserable. I'm sad, yeah, but I'll get over it. I had my time to be a cry baby and I just need to move on. Deep down I know that whatever happens, happens for a reason. It's God's will and it's so much better than anything I have planned, but it just really hurts right now. I can't even describe how it hurts because the whole thing is out of anyone's control. I can't be mad at anyone and I can't hold a grudge, I can only get over it. So from this point out that's what I'm going to do. I'm done liking him. Because after this happens three times, you just can't do it anymore. You can't keep liking people to just see them end up with someone else. Part of me want to just give up altogether, but I know that's over dramatic. But seriously. It literally happens EVERY TIME!!!! I'm so done.
Today I wanna just go away. I wanna take an all alone road trip to Chicago, even St. Louis would be sufficient for me. I would love to just go to a big city and spend the day walking downtown by myself, drinking coffee, taking pretty pictures and enjoying summer. I just want to get away, and I don't care if anyone misses me. I can't wait for the next two years to be over. I want to move away and not have my parents know every move I make. I don't want to work anymore. I can't think of anything I would rather do right now than to only have to worry about school and myself. But I was thinking today that even if I do move away, I don't think I will get away from everything. I know I will have to come back and visit for peoples' weddings. Anyway, I just need some time away from all of this.
I know people care about me. I'm not saying these things because I feel like no one cares, I just feel like when I say them out loud they sound stupid and petty.
Anyway, now that I've gotten it out of my system, I. AM. DONE. No more moping. No more feeling sorry for myself. Only hopeful surrender to God's will. The end.
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