Isn't it so neat how every single person's iris is different?!

It's like the snowflakes that fall. Each one is completely different and there are billions and billions of them!! Unfathomable!! They say that a person's iris is like their fingerprint. I find that completely and utterly awesome in every sense of the word. Only some divine creator could make a being with that much detail.

The eye is an extraordinary organ and can function at 100% ability at any moment of the day with no rest. It is our window to the world and I am so excited to make a career out of bringing people eyesight to see this wonderfully glorious world the Lord has made for us. His creation is enough to prove to me his existence, not just that, but the way He provides for me and comforts me.

I am so thankful for the things He has given me and I truly love Him.

I trust that He will guide me through everything. "Thy Rod and Thy Staff they comfort me."

what to do?

I just kind of want today to be over. I am so nervous for tonight. I'm supposed to be hanging out with Jake tonight. I hope it's not awkward lol

Also, Papa will be mad at me for not going with him tonight. Despite all of my uncertainties, I think this is what God wants me to do. Not for myself, but for Him. This is my second chance. Maybe it will all work out for good. Maybe I can get Jake back on the right path. I don't know. I just hope it all goes well.

Anyway,  I am now sitting in the funeral home not knowing what to do. Hmmmm... Should I read my book? Do homework? Surf the internet??? So many choices.....

I am also feeling really torn. But I'm not sure if I should talk about it now. I guess I should focus on one thing at a time lol

Well, i hope you all have a wonderful and safe Saturday evening. I'll try not to get too crazy.

AH!!! So many emotions in one day!

This morning was SO stressful:

Driving was absolutely wretched! The roads are terrible and our road crews are completely incompetent and good for nothing. I did make it to school though and then I went to Spanish. My Spanish teacher made me feel like a complete idiot and then in chemistry I got a quiz back, and I didn't do so hot. Also, the school sent an email saying they were having school because the roads were so good and the maintenence crews had done a good job shoveling the sidewalks. Good job, my foot!!! I about slipped like 72 times!!!

So anyway, my day did get better, but not without uncertainty.

In Alpha we watched a documentary called Catfish about some guy that was completely hoaxed meeting people on the internet. So after Alpha I was supposed to meet this Jeremy Larson guy that I had only ever spoke to via Facebook and I started flipping out on the way there cause I thought that I would get murdered or something lol, BUT

I got to Red Velvet and he was a real person, and it was all on the "up and up." I got some music and a really awesome CD to listen to to rehears. His music is pretty gosh darn amazing. I like it a whole lot!

So anyway after leaving Jeremy's studio I went to Target and had a lot of fun, but then driving to work was terrible. Oh well.

So I did talk to Jake today and we are going to hang out tomorrow night after I get off work. I think. I am not sure. I am not sure I want to. Not just 'cause I'm nervous, but because the driving conditions SUCK!!

Oh well...

So overall I have felt irritated with the roads, anxious about meeting Jeremy Larson and then very excited, unsure about what is going to happen with the Jake situation and very very frightened about the drive home...

conflictions

ok so there is a back story to this:

i used to go to church with this guy named jake. yeah there are a lot of those out there. anyway, he is a really sweet guy who now has some issues. about two years ago his dad's mother (aka his grandmother) died and his father (who was catholic) completely turned away from god and therefore his mother did. So now him, his mother and father are all athiests, except his little brother stills goes to that church. so now jake is athiest and he drinks and smokes. yeah, he's great lol 

so he went on the last mission trip that i went on at antioch. i really started to like him, except i was completey terrified cause i don't want to date someone who isn't a christian, you know? i always pictured myself with some really strong christian who helped me in my walk with God.  isn't the man supposed to be the head of the household anyway?? so right after that mission trip i read a book called Redeeming Love. It's basically the story of God telling Hosea to marry a prostitute. well i really related to the book because i felt like god was telling me to maybe get closer to jake and bring him back to church and stuff, but i was insecure and afraid that i would be brought down by him instead of me bringing him up. i really wanted a boyfriend and i really like him, but i had some doubts. so i kind of just let it go and casually talked to him, but for the most part i haven't spoke to him in like 6 months.

OK>
that is the back story.


so recently i was talking to jennifer about how i really wanted a boyfriend cause sometimes i just felt so alone.  and also, sunday i got the book Redeeming Love again from karasyn to reread. so all this happens and today i get a text from jake. a really random text asking me what's up?? ok..... that literally came out of nowhere. so we talk a little and then he says that we really need to hang out sometime. ok? where did that come from?? seriously. what is going on?

this is the second time i have really been praying for a boyfriend and reading Redeeming Love and Jake has seemed interested. last time i really thought God wanted me to go out with jake so that i could bring him to God and also have that person i had been praying for, but it just never seemed to work out right. so now i am thinking that God is giving me a second chance like maybe it really is meant to be and that He wants to use me for a higher purpose. I still have insecurities, though. Like, Jake likes to smoke and drink and he cusses a lot. For one, i think this is just a big joke, but I also don't feel comfortable around people who do things like that. But, I have really been out of my comfort zone lately cause of changing churches and all. So where do I go from here? Jake asked me to go for coffee or something. Do i go and keep things on a friendly level? Do I not go at all? AHHH!!! I could really use some prayer or advice right now.... or both!

pure boredom or procrastination???

i am really bored, but i have a huge list of things i need to do. hmmm. well in the meantime, i am looking up cool pictures and cleaning my desk a little. getting wedding music organized. i think we are going to hottie grandma's later, so i am not sure if i should do homework here or wait til we get there cause i might need something to do there.... anyway here are some pictures i like today :)

this is like the most perfect looking cake i have ever seen.

this is the cutest little desert table. I am thinking about making those little flag things for my room out of pink stock paper and sheet music...

this would totally go with that cute Up cake for like a reception idea....

i want a rainbow cake!!

i had a dream before halloween that i made a three layer cake with brown, orange and purple much like this one.

i mini snow man <3

i wish this was all the snow we had.

i also wish that i was skinny so i could pull off an outfit like this. i think its super cute, but i could never pull that off

This was on my desk this morning. i just thought it was cute :)

a couple of weeks ago i bought a bunch of fabric scraps.

here are just a few of them

this one's my favorite

i want to make something with these two

i am also looking for some cute ideas for my cute little mason jar :)

im thinking maybe gumballs

or this with pretty paper

i just thought this was really funny :) lol

well, have a blessed snow day 2.0!!!

snow day...

so i have been semi-productive today, but that all went downhill once i found out that i didn't have school tomorrow. YAY!!! I am a little sad though cause there is no church either. Darn it!! Nothing to look forward to. I am hoping the roads aren't too bad so I can get music tomorrow, but I also might just wait until Friday. Who knows??? I am super duper excited for Friday though!! Cupcake date!!! Woohoo!! :D

So this is what I have done today:

-half a load of laundry. i still haven't put it in the dryer yet.... i should probably go do that lol

-practiced a bunch of wedding music. probably for like two hours. the most i have practiced in one sitting in forever...

-played just dance 2 for like 2 hours

-got a letter in the mail saying i was eligible for membership in the Alpha Lambda Delta National Honor Society at Drury University.sounds prestigious. i think i might join just to put it on my med school app.

-organized wedding music

-spent A LOT of time on facebook......

Yep. I'm pretty sure tomorrow has GOT to be more productive in the school area. I have decided that I am going to go 100% in school now because I just really need to get motivated. Medical school is not that far away when you think about it. I am super afraid for medical school. I have no idea how I am going to make it. Only through Christ. That is for sure. I am also very frightened for moving away. I hope that by moving away I don't grow apart from my friends. I have made some really meaningful relationships in the past year and I don't want them to just cease to exist. I am afraid I will come back and nobody will want to hang out and stuff because they have "moved on"... that's probably my biggest fear. Also, I am kind of afraid of going through that time alone. Like single. Almost as if having a boyfriend here would keep me connected to my friends and stuff. I don't know. I just want to have someone to look forward to seeing, who wants to see me...

Anyway, I should probably get to bed..... but i hope everyone had a wonderful snow day!!!

bittersweet way to bring in my birthday month...

so i have never been one to get too into birthdays and things, but i think that this year i am going to celebrate my birthday all month long!!! its going to be a very happy month........except for today.

i have bittersweet feelings about today. i really didn't want to go to work or to class, so that's the sweet part. BUT------i was supposed meet Jeremy Larson today, but that didn't happen. We had to reschedule, but I just REALLY want this weather to GO. STINKING. AWAY!! I hate being stuck inside. I have concluded that I really do like being outside, therefore I think I am going to see about working at the greenhouse over the summer.... we will see how that turns out.

Anyway, back to my birthday month. I intend to have the BEST time ever. Including many lunch dates, cupcake dates, maybe a movie or something and just treating myself to little things like Sonic HappyHour :) It is pure joy!


I love cute cupcakes and elegantly decorated cakes :) i really want one!!! I think I might make a cake today... Speaking of what I need to do today, I think I will make a list, so I don't forget andwaste too much time on Just Dance 2. I got it yesterday :) it's so much fun!!