it's too soon to be excited about my career. i have no life. my life consists of school and working. my freakin' weekends belong to greenlawn. the one day i have off is now ruined. completely. i hope we do have something cause i don't even want to go now. this happens every dang year. i have been trying so hard to grow in my relationship with god and it seems to be getting me nowhere, farther even.
i feel like i have no place in this world. sometimes i just wonder where i'm going in life. obviously my plans aren't working out. i just wish that for once, someone would initiate this. i always do for others. i am thoughtful and caring. i'm not saying that nobody is, i just wish some people were a little more observant. i feel totally alone in this and i can't talk to anyone about it but my own mother who doesn't exactly know how i feel.
just when i thought i was doing fine. i have been praying about it a freaking lot and just about feeling good about myself when BAM! Sad thing is i saw it coming. stupid me. don't ever get your hopes up. it hurts that much more to fall. so my self esteem just fell through the floor. all time low. guess the thing that feels so bad is that it was a little far fetched. i am mad at myself as much as im mad at you. i want so bad to be able to talk to someone about this, but i just can't.
just stop. don't talk to me. just makes it even worse, yet you don't even know, now do you? nobody does, cause nobody cares. ugh! like i said, i am sick of this. i have literally made myself sick about this all night. i couldn't even eat. i feel like i am going to throw up and i am shaking, although it may just be cause my room is really cold. well, thanks for everything, but no thanks. i hate this day. i hate myself. i hate you. despicable feelings. GO AWAY!!!! thursdays need to stop sucking!
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