reflections....

so I have been think a lot lately about death. i know. it's morbid. but hey, i work at a funeral home! we had a visitation tonight for some guy who was eighteen, but younger than me. it really bothered me, which doesn't normally happen, but i just got really broken up about it. i don't know why. it helped me realize though that death is just a part of life. that no one is exempt from it. right now, we seem invincible, but one wrong move, and poof! it's really not fair. it's not fair that this young man had to die and that i get to live or that old people who are like vegetables get to live while other older people are active and have close families have to die. death shows no mercy, but God does. I had started thinking about if i died, who would come to my funeral? would the funeral home be packed? or would it be a small occassion with the ones who loved me most? i have just thought a lot about this. so it leads me to think about all the people i have encountered in my life. what were there impressions of me? how did i act around them? and did i give them a reason to want to pay "respects" to me after death?

this also got me to think about life as borrowed. why are we here? it certainly isn't for our enjoyment. i would take heaven over earth any day. my life is not my own, but it is given to me by God. God has given me life, and eternal life so that earth is not the only thing i have to live for. thank the Lord!!! so this leads you to say, "well, if my life is God's, shouldn't God have a say in everything i do? " YES! God should completely rule my life. i am really working hard on this... I have struggled for some great time now with the concept of being single. well, i went throught the whole, "woe is me, im ugly, nobody loves me" phase. this is when my family made a great point. god made you for you. by telling yourself your ugly or unlovable, you are bashing god's creation! this surely is a blasphemy! so i have to ask, if you believe you are not good enough,  why? Why are you questioning God and his creation? he certainly knew what he was doing when he formed you. he formed your lungs to breathe, your eyes to see, and most of all your heart to love. not only to love him, but also, his creation (AKA you)  :) this is another reason we should not speak bad about others. they are also God's creations and deserve to be treated so. I struggle with that too.

I'm getting pretty deep, but one more thing. I recieved a really awesome text message today reading:
"To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did." When God takes something from your grasp, he's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to recieve something better. Concentrate on this sentence. The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."

It was one of those forwarded messages that said like send to twelve people and you will see some sort of result. I don't normally forward messages, but this one was pretty cool. I really like the sentence, " the will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you." It was pretty powerful. So i translated it this way. If we truly follow God's plan for us, we will never have to worry about getting into trouble or having regrets. Also, I see this as a confirmation of my newfound policy of consulting God in all desicions. Like the Bible say, "Delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." :D

I don't have anything else to say right now, but just pray that I can make the right desicions in the near future. I would appreciate it!