branching out?

i have come to the recent conclusion that life as i had planned it just isn't going to work. my plans never work out and everyone else has their own agenda and i can't keep up. my plan for my life always seems to end up in shreds. the only person who will ever be able to keep it on track is God. I know he has a great plan for me. A separate plan just for me. His plan for me is different that His plan for you. I am having a hard time accepting this. I want everything to stay the same, but it's not going to. I'm going to move away and when I come back, you may not be here. Nobody may be here...I am completely terrified too. I just don't want to go through this alone.

I think I have to move on. Not just with myself and towards my goals, but with my relationships as well. First of all, I need to just be more social. I am always at like a distance. I try to get involved, but my situation prohibits this. I really really need a new job. I am kind of jumping all over the place here. Oh well.

I have a concert tonight and I am a little nervous, but I don't play for a lot of it.

The thing is I just need to be my own person. Do things for myself. Make my own choices. The ones best for me and my future.  I need to get it together cause right now I am stuck in a rut.  I just hope I can keep on track.

:/
I hate being contemplative....